More Reasons Why

How can you walk the ninth place hitter who's hitting .097? With two out?

Taylor Teagarden, the Tiger crusher, was the guy, in this afternoon's second inning. With the inning thus extended and the lineup turned over, Nick Markakia and J.J. Hardy followed with two-run doubles, erasing 80 percent of Doug Fister's 5-0 lead.

In the fourth, Nate McLouth tripled in Markakis and Hardy, who had reached base via -- yes, that's right -- walks, and the very beatable lately Pretenders were as good as beaten. (Final: Them 7, Us 5.)

It was Fister's worst outing as a Tiger (Pretender): 3.2 innings, eight hits, seven runs. Also the second game in a row in which he's allowed four runs in one inning.

Why It's Not Going To Happen

Orioles starter Zach Britton has an ERA over eight, and the O's are the league's worst fielding team.

Three hours later, his ERA is down to six, his teammates have turned three snappy rally-killing double plays, and the O's have a 3-2 win. 

The only mistake Rick Porcello made cost him the game. Chris Davis hit it out with two on in the seventh. 

Meanwhile, the Pretenders played Beavis-And-Butthead ball. It looked like they would never score. Peralta singled in two in the eighth, but Jim Johnson was waiting, and he shut the P's down on two dribblers and one soft fly ball. 

If Prince Fielder is up with no one on, he'll get pitched around because five through nine have been so ineffective. Delmon Young, hitting behind Prince and Cabrera and Jackson/Berry all season, should have a lot more than 65 RBIs in mid-August. Alex Avila (.253) is a mystery. Watching the player formerly known as Bash hit makes you cry, and not from hay fever. Jhonny Groundout proved last year that he can do better than .261

So ineffective, in fact, that one through four won't (can't) carry them to post-season.

Things You May Never See Again

Justin Verlander issuing three walks in one inning (the third, in which the O's tied the score at 1-1.) 

Anyone hitting a ball where Prince Fielder did in the sixth, over the center field shrubbery (Nee! Nee!) and retired numbers wall, and into the standing room fans (measured at 462 feet, the first of two two-run shots by the Prince of Bop.) 

A baserunner (Jhonny Peralta) called out at first on a close play, and then ruled safe after the umps conferred and changed their minds. (Too bad they didn't do that for Armando Galarraga, but there have been enough perfect games lately). And a first baseman (Mark Reynolds) getting tossed for throwing his glove to the turf. You can't blame him, because replays indicated Peralta was out by plenty. Umperors 1, Orioles 0. 

The win (5-3) and White Sox loss at KC move the Tigers to 1.5 games out in the AL Central, and into a tie with the O's and D-Rays in the AL Bridesmaid standings. 

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The infield fly rule also applies re the throwing-of-the bouquet ritual at weddings (tomorrow being Saturday). The bride is out and all bridesmaids may tag up and advance at their own risk. But the one who brought a catcher's mitt, she's the one who's really tired of being single.

The Old And The Young

Additional proof that Jim Thome has been around a long time: 

On the day Kate Upton was born -- June 10 1992 -- Thome had accumulated almost two years of major league service time. 

Thome got two of the three hits allowed this afternoon by Justin Verlander -- speaking of Kate Upton -- as the Tigers prevailed in Camden Yards 5-1. 

He's a nice guy and future Hall of Famer, and we'll be happy if he goes  5 for 5 every time we play the Orioles, as long as we win. 

Steve Johnson made his Show debut today in relief for the O's. He's the son of Dave Johnson, and the serious fan will remember that there was a second Dave Johnson in the major leagues, a pitcher, and that he pitched for the Tigers in 1993. 

Steve walked the first two hitters he faced in the big leagues, but got out of the jam and went two innings, allowing only a Prince Fielder homer.

Who Can We Be Mad At?

The possibles can be winnowed down to a precious few. 

We can't be mad at Brennan Boesch, who pinch-hit a double in the Tigers' three run ninth, and who, as the go-ahead run, was thrown out at the plate. If that out requires a perfect throw, you have to send the runner.

Not Alex Avila, who drove in the go-ahead run in the11th, or Quentin Berry whose hit tied the score in the ninth, and who singled in what was then a second go-ahead run in the top of the 13th.

Not really Max Scherzer, who allowed four runs but only one homer through five innings in cozy Camden Yards. And not any of Messers Below, Downs, Marte, Coke, and Dotel, who combined to shut out the Orioles. 

And you can't blame Adam Jones for hitting a dinker that scored Nick Markakis, getting the Orioles back to even after Avila's hit. Nor J.J. Hardy, 0 for his last 29, for sending a hit-me fastball into the seats in the bottom of the 13th to yet again tie the score. Nor Taylor Teagarden -- the fourth famous Texan to have that last name -- in his third AB of the season sending another hit-me pitch out of the yard to win the game. 

Let's point one finger of blame at Papa Shut 'Em Down, who in the 11th squandered yet another lead given him to protect. Only this time, in extra innings on the road, a win isn't his reward for more BS. And the other at Ben Wah, who served up both hit-mes in the 13th, to guys who really had no business hitting them where they did. 

This game started in bright sunlight at 4:05 PM and ended in twilight almost five hours later. The FOX game, haha ... what a show; ugly baseball but still preferable to whatever else Fox has on Saturday evening in the summer.

The Bottom Of The Order

So far this season, the Tiger batting order after Fielder has spoken volumes with its silence.

 Tonight at Camden Yards, eight of the Tigers' 13 hits came from the five through nine positions. 

Boesch, Young, and Peralta had two hits each; Peralta's last being that item that had been as rare as whooping cranes: the three run homer.

Fister was also sharp, holding the Orioles to three hits and one run in seven innings. Final: Tigers 7, Birds 2.

If the boys at the bottom can get it going, a big piece of the puzzle will fall in place. Then comes Not Bad (NB); the baseball state of being that exists between OM and Bridesmaid (qualifying for a wild card). "Wonderfulness" coming only when they take sole possession of first place.